1 (DRAMATIC THEME MUSIC) Captions by Able. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2021 (MUSIC FADES) (DISCORDANT MUSIC) (MUSIC FADES) (INSECTS CHIRP, CROW CAWS) (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (INSECTS CHIRP, BIRDS CALL) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (LEAVES CRUNCH) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (FLIES BUZZ) YOUNG MAN: Yuck. - The fire's still warm. Is that you, Hermit Bob? We kind of can see you. Farmer Miller says you might have stole one of his chickens. That happens to be against the law. Now, I'm hoping that it was a fox that did that. - Up your hole with a wooden pole, Cliff. - That also happens to be against the law. - Should we take him in? - (MOUTHS) - Where'd he go? - I don't know. (INSECTS CHIRP) I don't see him. Uh, we're gonna go back to town now, Hermit Bob. Don't break any more laws. Just calm down. (BIRD SQUAWKS) - Hey, Cliff. Fuck you! (COUNTRY MUSIC) # Oh, the dead don't die,... # any more than you or I. # They're just ghosts inside a dream... # of a life that we don't own. # They walk around sometimes,... # never paying any mind... # to the silly lives we lead... # or the reaping we've all sown. # There's a cup of coffee waiting on every corner. # Someday we're gonna wake up... # and find the corners gone. # But the dead will still be walking round in this old world alone. # Well, after life is over,... # the afterlife goes on. # Well, after life is over,... # the afterlife goes on. # (SONG FADES) - Should we bring him in one of these days? I mean,... (CROW CAWS) ...he fired a weapon at police officers. - Yeah, I don't know. I doubt he even stole that chicken. Farmer Miller is such an asshole. I've known Bob since junior high. - Oh wow. That must have been, like, 50 years ago. - Yeah, it was. You know, Bob's been out there for years, eating squirrels and bugs, and he never hurt anyone that I ever heard of. - Well, he is kind of unusual. - Is it already 20 after 8? Shouldn't it be getting dark by now? - Yeah, this daylight savings thing is all out of whack lately. (DOG BARKS) Dammit. My watch stopped... or is broken or something. Yeah, something weird's going on. Yeah, weird. - Yeah, this isn't gonna end well, Cliff. (INSECTS CHIRP) (TENSE MUSIC) (BIRDS CALL) (EERIE MUSIC) - The ant colonies,... all jacked up like it was the end of the world. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Hey, Ronnie, you wanna swing by the diner, get some doughnuts, coffee? - Um, no, thanks. It seems late for coffee and doughnuts. - I guess so. - (RADIO BEEPS) - WOMAN: This is home base. Are you guys reading me? Over. - Hey, Mindy. - You guys OK out there? - Yeah, we're just, uh, cruising a bit before we swing on back. Uh, you need anything? We could, uh, run by the diner, pick you up some coffee and doughnuts. - Negative. Thanks. There is something strange going on, though. Have you guys, by any chance, noticed that the... - (STATIC DISTORTS VOICE) - ...and the daylight and the... - (STATIC DISTORTS VOICE) - I think the news report... - (FEEDBACK WHINES) - Hello, hello? Shit. We lost her. Use your cell. - That's funny. It's completely dead. And it was fully charged. Hey, Cliff, should we listen to the civilian radio? - Sure. Go ahead. (CHANNELS PLAY MUSIC) (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS) - # Oh, the dead don't die... # any more than you or I. - Wow, that sounds so familiar. - # They're just ghosts inside a dream... - What is that song, Ronnie? - # ...of a life that we don't own. - It's The Dead Don't Die,... - # They walk around sometimes,... - ...by Sturgill Simpson. - Sturgill Simpson? - # ...never paying any mind to the silly lives... - Why does it sound so familiar? - Well, cos it's the theme song. - # ...or the reaping we've all sown. - The theme song? - Yeah. - # There's a cup of coffee waiting on every corner. # Someday we're gonna wake up... # and find the corners gone. # But the dead will still be walking round in this old world alone. # Well, after life is over,... # the afterlife goes on. (SONG CONTINUES) # There'll be old friends walking round in a somewhat familiar town # that you saw once when you looked up from your phone. RADIO: # Nobody bothers saying hi, and you can save all your goodbyes. # Stop trying to pretend that we're all not alone. # - How much longer until my takeout's ready, Fern? - Be out shortly, Frank. Just heatin' it up for you. - Would you mind turning off that goddamn music? Fucking Sturgill Simpson. - Sure thing. - (PEOPLE MURMUR) - So, Frank, what makes you so sure it's Hermit Bob who stole your chicken? - Well, who the hell else could it be? That goddamn hairy lunatic, living out there all these years like a caveman, like some kind of ghost. Might as well be Amish. - Maybe it was a... a fox, Frank. Um, I don't think Bob ever hurt anybody. - Yeah, well, tell that to my fucking chickens. (SCOFFS) Fox, my ass. - Here you go, Frank. Want me to put that in a to-go cup for you? - (SIGHS) Nah, I can't drink any more of that stuff. It's too damn black for me. I meant it's too strong. - Take care, Frank. - Yeah. - (RADIO) WOMAN: ...this special report. These activities could possibly be affecting the Earth's rotation on its axis. Scientists say even the slightest change in this balance may already be causing a dramatic change in our usual hours of daylight. Meanwhile, government officials, as well as the heads of the energy companies involved, say the recent extensive polar fracking has had no discernible consequences whatsoever. Here's what the energy secretary had to say in this evening's press conference. - MAN: Listen, these alarmists are dangerous liars. Let's not believe something just because one so-called scientist says it's true. Polar fracking has created fantastic jobs, big profits and energy for our great country. Let's not forget our prior` - What you think, Fern? - I don't know, Hank. Shouldn't it be gettin' dark out? (EERIE MUSIC) (INSECTS CHIRP) - So, you can see from this diagram that if the Earth is pulled even slightly off its axis, the repercussions could be extreme. Coming up in the next segment... (TV MUTES) Holy shit, man. This is crazy. - A change in the Earth's rotation or its spin rate? That'd be catastrophic for sure. All the cycles of the biosphere would be affected. The natural cycles of sunlight would be disrupted, plants wouldn't grow, wind patterns would change, and tectonic activity... Forget about it. The polar caps shifting would mean... I don't wanna say. - Total planetary destruction. - For real? (OMINOUS MUSIC) Shut up. - (DOOR OPENS) - OK, time's up, girls. Way up. Well, if it isn't Geronimo on the girls' floor again. Do you wanna be a girl, Geronimo? - No. - Well, then get back to the boys' section. Now. Dennis. Can you please escort Geronimo back to the boys' section? I'll deal with these girls. - Let's go, Geronimo. You know the drill. - Let's go, you clowns. It's bedtime for bozos. You two ladies too. Let's go. - TV: Now, here's the thing. Secretary of Energy Pillerton, however... - (TV DISTORTS) - Thank you. - ...fully refutes these speculations, insisting... (STATIC BUZZES) - See ya, Bobby. - Excellent. - You got it? Need a bag? - No, thanks. - All right. - Bye, Bobby. - See you, guys. Wow, it's still so light out. - OK. So... - (ENGINE RUMBLES) ('THE DEAD DON'T DIE' PLAYS ON RADIO) (PARKING BRAKE CLICKS) - (TURNS OFF MUSIC) - Bilbo Baggins. - Hey, Dean. - What's up, buddy? - How's things? After-hours delivery ` WU-PS. Check this out. Got some Weird News of the World. (CHUCKLES) Look, the Earth off its axis. That's bad news. (INSECTS CHIRP) (SIGHS) This is for you right here, for your collection. - Oh man. Starlog. Eerie. Creepy number 61. - (CHUCKLES) - April 1974. - That motherfucker's rare, before you was born and shit. - Oh man. Here, let me give you some money. - No, that's on me. Add it to your collection. - Thanks, man. - Just give me your Herbie Hancock right here, and I'll be on my way. They need to fix the AC. You know, it's kind of hot in this motherfucker, huh? - All right. - Okey-dokey. All right, see you next week, Frodo. - Hey, Dean? I was wondering if you wouldn't mind just, uh, dropping a little wisdom until the next delivery. - The world is perfect. Appreciate the details. (METAL CREAKS) - WHISPERS: The world is perfect. Appreciate the details. (EERIE MUSIC) - BOB: You guys shouldn't be here. (CROW CAWS) Strange. (MUSIC CONTINUES) Tasty porcinis. OK. (TENSE MUSIC) Oh. (MUSIC CONTINUES) (WOMEN CHATTER, LAUGH ON TV) - Mmm. Kitty! - (NEWS THEME MUSIC PLAYS ON TV) - Good evening. This is Posie Juarez. We interrupt this program for a Centerville 7 News Special Report. People are saying their pets have either just disappeared or are acting unusually skittish and aggressive. Here's a report from Harrisville. - Look at this. I mean, I just couldn't find my cat, Rainbow. And when I finally did find her, she was under the house. She's never done that before. She's not usually like that. She's very gentle and... - That's so strange. Where are you guys? - ...too, and she had this wild look in her eye. And when I finally tried to pull her out, she scratched me all to shreds, like a wild animal. - That's so creepy. I knew... We're back? Hello. (CHUCKLES) Wow, that is strange, and it seems to be happening all over. We'll have more reports at 11. But for now, this is Posie Juarez for Centerville 7 News. Stay safe and keep your eyes open. - Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld. Here, boy. Where the hell are you? - (BIRD SQUAWKS OUTSIDE) - (SIGHS) MUTTERS: Goddamn dog. Rumsfeld? You out here? - (DOG PANTS) Rumsfeld, what you doing over there? Get your ass inside. - (WHINES) - Come on, stupid. - (BARKS) - Hey! What are you doin'? - (PANTS, BARKS) Goddammit. Holy shit! Who stole my fuckin' cows? (INSECTS CHIRP) (SIGHS) Where the hell are my chickens? (COWS MOO) - BOB: Frank's cows. Into the woods, ladies. Welcome to my world. (BIRDS CHIRP) - Dammit, Mallory. Even dead, you reek of chardonnay. Cheap chardonnay. (CROW CAWS OUTSIDE) - How's she lookin'? - Well, she's not getting any older. - Wow. The diner sure makes the world's best coffee, doesn't it? - Yeah, but how can you drink it so late? Won't it keep you up? - No. I sleep like a baby. Except maybe when I know there's a corpse waiting for me at work. - Oh, y-yeah. Cliff, is the coroner from Latrobe gonna pick her up tomorrow? It's getting a little creepy being here alone with Mallory decomposing in there. - Yeah, they're supposed to come pick her up tomorrow morning. - Thank God. I don't know why she can't be over at the funeral home. - Cos she's going to Potter's Field in Latrobe. And cos our new, unusual undertaker, Ms Winston,... has got those two golfers that were struck by lightning, the Logans. - (CLEARS THROAT) Thanks, Ronnie. It's not really necessary, but... - Can I, uh, drive you home, Mindy? - Also not necessary, Ronnie. You know I have my car here. - Oh, yeah. How is the Prius running? - Fine. Can you even fit two people in that little Smart car of yours? - Well, yeah. Holds two nicely. - This daylight thing is bothering me. It's strange. - Well, what can I say? The world is kind of strange lately. - Yeah, it sure is. If you ask me, this whole thing's gonna end badly. So, what exactly do you mean, Ronnie? - Oh, uh, don't know. Just a feeling, I guess. Strong feeling. - Oh boy. You OK doing the whole night shift alone, Cliff? - Yeah, I can take a nap. I mean, I can just lie down in that other cell, next to old Mallory. - Oh God. Next to her... her dead body? - Might bring back some old memories. See you guys tomorrow. - See you, Cliff. - Yeah, see you tomorrow, chief. 'This is all gonna end badly.' What does that mean? 1 I knew Mallory O'Brien since I was a kid. Huh. And believe it or not, she was a pretty young thing too. - Please. - (CHUCKLES) - Sorry, but good riddance to that drunken old goat. - Well, I` I don't know, Fern. Gee, I gotta get up out of here. Uh, I gotta get to the hardware store early tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to seeing you ladies tomorrow. - Mm. - Take care, Hank. - Goodnight, Hank. Sweet dreams. - (DOOR OPENS, SHUTS) Hank is such a gentleman. - Sure is. (SIGHS) Well, I better get started cleaning here. - Listen, Lily. I've been dying to ask you about that new foreign woman that took over the funeral home. What's her name? - Her name is Zelda Winston, and she's strange, for sure. And she's got these, like, really weird eyes, like she's, like, looking right through you. (SIGHS) She pays me really well, though. - Zelda. What`? What kind of name is that? - I don't know. She's probably, like, Irish or Scottish or whatever, and she talks really funny, though, so I don't always get it right. But I like the name Zelda. It reminds me of, um, Zelda Fitzgerald. - Who's that? - That's Great Gatsby's wife. - And who's that? - That's the really rich guy from the 1920s, the Robert Redford guy. - Well, anyway, so what's it like over there in those secret rooms since she took over? - Well, there's these, like, really creepy back rooms, you know, where they, like, keep all the stiffs. And then next to that, there's this big golden Buddha. - A what, now? There's a big, shiny, golden Buddha. And then there's these, like, old-looking samurai swords on a rack. - (SIGHS) Really? (INQUISITIVE BLUES MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (MUSIC SWELLS) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (MUSIC SWELLS) (MUSIC SLOWS) (MUSIC PULSATES) (MUSIC SLOWS) (MUSIC FADES) - Amituofo. That's peculiar. Now, stay put, will you? (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) (GASPING) (OMINOUS MUSIC) - (GASPS, PANTS) (MUSIC SWELLS) - What is it, Liv? You OK? - Yeah. I guess so. I just got this creepy feeling. - You were probably just having a bad dream. - Yeah, guess so. A bad dream. - It's OK. Just go back to sleep. - Thanks, Stel. (MUSIC CONTINUES) (HEAVY BREATHING) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Hmm. Toxic lunar vibrations. Huh. (MUSIC CONTINUES) (MUSIC SWELLS) (ZOMBIE HISSES) (EERIE MUSIC) - (MOANS) - (GROWLS) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (BOTH MOAN) - (GROWLS) (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY) - Jeez, Louise. All right, honey, I'm done. I'm leaving your money here. I'm outta here, Lil. - OK, Fern. See you tomorrow. - Not if I see you first. - Very funny. - Excuse me, we're closed. What? What happened to you?! (SCREAMS) - (GROWLS) - Lily! (SCREAMS) - Oh! (SCREAMS) - (SCREAMS, HOWLS) - Oh, get the`! Oh, get the fuck away from me, you little motherfucker! - (SCREAMS) - Oh, I'll fucking kill you! I'll shove this mop up your fucking ass, motherfucker! (SCREAMS) Get the fuck away from me! (SCREAMS, PANTS) - (GROWLS) - (WOMEN SCREAM, BABBLE) - (MOANS, CRIES) - Coffee. - (WAILS) - (CUP SMASHES) - Coffee. - (WAILS) - Coffee. - (MOANS, WAILS) - (CUP SMASHES) - (WAILS) - (POT SMASHES) - (WAILS, GURGLES) (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC) (WAILS, MOANS) (DOOR OPENS) - (WAILS) (ZOMBIES HISS) 1 (PHONE RINGS) (RINGING CONTINUES) (CLATTERING) (RINGING CONTINUES) (GRUNTS) FLATLY: Centerville Police Department. This is Chief Robertson. Hi, Hank. What's up? Is it really 6.30? What? At the diner? (ENGINE REVS) (TYRES SQUEAL) (PEOPLE MURMUR) - Uh, like I said on the phone, Cliff, often Fern gets here early, and so I thought I might get some coffee to go, and` and then this. Oh my God. (BREATHES SHAKILY) I` I saw them, Fern and Lily. SOFTLY: Oh man. (GENTLE COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS) Uh, what` what the hell was it? A wild animal? Uh, several wild animals? - I don't know. But whatever it was, it even smashed the coffee pots. (WHIRRING) (PARKING BRAKE CLICKS, ENGINE STOPS) (PEOPLE MURMUR) (GENTLE COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS) - Oh yuck! (BREATHES SHAKILY) Jesus Christ, Cliff. What the heck was it, a wild animal? Several wild animals? - That's exactly what I said. - (VEHICLE APPROACHES) (PEOPLE MURMUR, WOMAN CRIES) - Hey, guys. Wow. Fern's really done wonders with these flower beds. Really perks up the place, huh? What? What happened? - God, Mindy. I don't think you wanna see this. (WOMAN CRIES, MAN MURMURS) (GENTLE COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS) (FLIES BUZZ) - (SIGHS) Uh, no, no, I didn't need to see that. - (WOMAN WHIMPERS) Was it a wild animal? Or several wild animals? Cliff, is that really Fern and Lily in there? - Uh, no. That was Fern and Lily, but now... (WOMAN WHIMPERS) - Do you need me here? - Maybe you could help out with crowd control. - OK, folks, can you move it along now, please? - (WOMAN SOBS) - Thank you. - WOMAN: I can't believe it. - (MAN MURMURS) - (COUGHS) (VOMITS) - God, Ronnie. This is really awful. Maybe the worst thing I've ever seen. - Yeah. Sure is. - I, uh... - (CAR DOOR OPENS) - I... I gotta go. - (DOOR SHUTS) - (CAR DOOR SHUTS) - So, what are you thinking? - (CAR ENGINE STARTS) - You... You really wanna know? I'm thinkin' zombies. - What? You know, zombies. Ghouls, the undead. - Are you...? You're trying to tell me... You're thinking zombies did this? - Yep. (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Hey, Jack, will you check your phone and see where we are exactly? - Yeah. (MUSIC CONTINUES) Oh man. I'm not getting any reception out here. Jeez, I don't even know if my phone's working, for some reason. - Hmm. (SIGHS) Let me try the radio. (STATIC BUZZES, MAN SPEAKS ON RADIO) - Oh wow, it's working again, so... - MAN: I mean they're absolutely wrong. We know very well that polar fracking has been great for this country. In my opinion, these naysayers should just move to somewhere else... - I'm not listening to this. - ...where they don't have to... - (STATIC BUZZES) - RADIO: # And the streets look so empty in the morning. - The Dead Don't Die. I love this song. - # There'll be no one out at night # for the lights to shine down on. # But the dead will still be walking round in this old world alone. # Well, after life is over,... # the afterlife goes on. # Hearts break when loved ones journey on,... # at the thought that they're now forever gone. # So we tell ourselves they're all still around us all the time. - Thanks. - # Gone but not forgotten. # Just memories left behind. (SONG CONTINUES PLAYING) - Oh, shit, you guys. We have to stop and get gas. - Look. Gas sign right there. - # But the dead will still be walking round # in this old world alone. # - OK, cool. Come back soon, OK? - See you, Bobby. - Stay sick, guys. - Turn blue, Bobby. - Hey, kids, how's it going? - Eat me. - Whoa, this place is a trip. - Sure is. - Oh. Hi. - Hi. Nice shirt. Nosferatu. - Yeah. - It's really cool. - Thanks. I make 'em. - How about that? Earth off its axis. End of the world. - Mm. - Flesh-eating zombies. You get a lot of zombies around here? - That depends, I guess. (CHUCKLES) Uh, so... so, about the gas ` you wanna pay cash or credit? - Here you go, Frodo. - Cool. Thanks. Uh, did you, uh...? (SIGHS) Did you just call me Frodo? - Did I? - Hey, is there a motel in town? - Yeah, there is one just down the... - Ooh. - Oh, that's a really good CD. Sturgill Simpson, 'The Dead Don't Die.' - Yeah, I know. I love this song. Is it nice? - What? - The motel. - Oh yeah. It's, uh` It's kind of cool. It's one of those old-school ones. - Like in old-school horror movies, with, like` like in Psycho with the separated bungalows? - Uh, the Bates Motel in Psycho was not separated into 'little bungalows.' - Ooh. - All right. - That's 12 for the CD and $2 for the soda. - Here you go. You can just keep the change. - Thanks. Oh, cool. - Whoa. - (GIGGLES) - That's a super cool ride, by the way. Very, uh, George Romero. - Yeah, it's a classic. - Your film knowledge is impressive. What's your name? - Bobby. Bobby Wiggins. - What's that? Bobby Baggins? - No, Wiggins. - I'm Zoe. Thanks, Bobby. (CAR DOORS SHUT, ENGINE REVS) (PLAINTIVE BLUES MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) 1 (PLAINTIVE BLUES MUSIC) (MUSIC SWELLS) Will the Feds be brought in on this? It's... It's really weird. I see. But Miss O'Brien? So she has to stay with us another night? (SIGHS) Oh God. OK. Thank you. Hello, Ms Winston. - Hello, Officer Minerva Morrison. Do call me Zelda. - Yeah, OK, sure. You've been informed of the tragedy? - I have. Am I to understand that the remains will be brought to The Ever After Funeral Home for my preparations? - Uh, no, that won't be necessary. The feds have already collected the remains. They've brought them out of the county. - I see. (EERIE MUSIC) (GASPING) - Is there anything else I can do? - Yes. I do have an unrelated question. - Shoot. - 'Shoot'? - I mean ask me. - Oh, yes. Are you, by any chance, a couple? You and the physically attractive one? - Um, you mean the younger one? Officer Peterson? - That's the one I mean, Officer Ronald Peterson. - Well, actually, no. Why do you ask, Zelda? - Just accumulating local information. - Oh. OK. - Dear Jesus. I mean, that's absolutely horrible. I mean, who or what is (STAMMERS) perpetrating these... these...? - Hey. - What's going on? - Hey. Nice car. '68 Pontiac LeMans. - Yeah. It's a beauty, huh? It's our friend's totally rad ride. It's a classic. Have a good one. - Later. - Guys, I'm so hungry. - Same. Let's eat. - I'll ask. H` Hey. - Nice car. - Thank you. Uh, do you guys know if there's a diner or restaurant nearby? - Sorry. The only diner in town is closed, indefinitely. - Well, that's unfortunate. Uh, but we, uh, have several vending machines containing snacks, uh, right over by the office. - OK. Thanks. Do you have change for $3? - Yeah, I do. - I like your badge. - Oh, thank you. Thank you. That's, uh... - That` That should be good. - Oh, OK. - Thanks. - Oh, no, no. You can` You can have it. - Yeah? OK. Thanks. - (INHALES) They just checked in. Hipsters from the big city. - Yeah? - Yep. - My educated guess would be Pittsburgh. They got that urban style, you know? (VENDING MACHINE CLATTERS) - Oh, well, those plates are from Ohio, so my educated guess would be Cleveland. - Oh, Cleveland. Hmm. - Yeah, Cleveland. - Thanks. - Oh, yeah. Thanks. That girl's part Mexican. - Hmm? - Really? How can you tell? - I have an affinity for Mexicans. They're, like, my favourite people. I love Mexico. I've been down there twice. - (SIGHS) OK, Ronnie, then you should be the one to inform them that if they're gonna spend the night in Centerville, to not go out and to keep their hotel room door locked. OK? - Uh, you know, Cliff, uh... - (KNOCKS ON DOOR) I know this isn't important comparatively, uh, but, uh, all of my cats are gone. And` And normally, they` they, uh, just stay inside. - (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) - Well, I'm sorry about that, Danny. They could be hiding. - Oh. - Nothing is happening normally right now. - Yeah. - How did they react? - They said, 'I heard you had a lot of zombies around here,' and then they laughed. - (SCOFFS) Infernal hipsters with their irony. (LEAVES CRUNCH) (OMINOUS MUSIC) (EERIE MUSIC) (OMINOUS MUSIC) - (SIGHS) Oh, Melville. 'Nameless miseries of the numberless mortals.' Huh. (MUSIC PULSATES) (SIGHS) - Well, everything looks normal out there. - Yeah. - But what happened sounds like the start of a gruesome horror film. - Sure does. - Boo! - (GIRLS GASP) - (CHUCKLES) - Really, really not funny, Geronimo. - You guys hear about those grisly murders at the diner? - Yeah. Just talking about 'em. - Creepy. I've been listening to the radio, and I'm sure it's the undead, yo ` reanimated by the Earth being thrown off its axis from the polar fracking. - What are you saying? - I'm saying... full-on zombie apocalypse, baby. Soon, there'll be hordes of 'em. - Geronimo. - Shit. - Do you wanna lose your privileges again? - (SIGHS) No, sir. - Then let's go. Unbelievable. (TENSE MUSIC) (OMINOUS MUSIC) (MUSIC FADES) - Cliff, why'd they used to separate the children's graves from the adults'? - Don't know. Some kind of a 19th-century thing. - Huh. Seems like a bad idea, somehow. - Yeah. So, what exactly are we looking for here? Zombies? Whoa! (GRUNTS) (BOTH GRUNT) - Hey, look over here. Here's another one. - (BOTH SIGH) - Oh man. This isn't gonna end well. (TENSE MUSIC) (CAR DOORS SHUT, ENGINE STARTS) (DISCORDANT MUSIC) (MUSIC FADES) (OTHERWORLDLY MUSIC) - Goddammit. Ghouls. (SIGHS) This is undead, reanimated, full-on flesh-eating zombie shit. No question. (MUSIC CONTINUES) 1 I was supposed to retire. Two years ago. - I know. Why didn't you? - What? - Retire two years ago. - Are we improvising here? - No, I was just asking. But I probably know the answer anyway. - Probably, yeah. - So, is our plan to continue to inform people about the zombie danger before it gets dark? - Oh God, Ronnie. Uh, I guess so. - Because we passed Farmer Miller's place a little while ago. Do we need to inform him? - Fuck Farmer Miller. - Really? He is a citizen of Centerville. - You're right. Uh... We'll have Mindy call him. - Oh, OK. - So, Ronnie, how the fuck do you kill a zombie? - Well, you gotta kill the head. - Kill the head. - Yeah. By any means necessary, kill the head. Decapitate ` it's the only way to kill them. - (SCOFFS) Jesus. - And that's really the only way to stop zombies ` is to kill the head, Hank. I know it's gruesome, but complete decapitation. Doesn't matter if you use a` a machete, steel wire, hedge clippers, whatever, just as long as the spinal cord is severed, right? And the head... is cut off. And that's it. Deanimated. Only way to kill the dead... is kill the head. - Uh, wait, Bobby. I` I'm not so sure it` it was zombies. - (SIGHS) You said they ate Lily and Fern's flesh. I mean, usually, they go for the brains. It's unusual, but... it's still cannibals, man. - Yeah. - Definitely zombies. OK? Hank, you can trust me. I've seen almost every zombie film ever made. - Mm. - This is zombie shit going down, and we gotta get prepared. - I don't know what to think any more. (CHUCKLES) - Hank, the shells. - Oh yeah. Huh. - Better safe than sorry. - Yeah, you're right. Safe than sorry. Just kill the head. - (TV) POSIE: Several other shocking and brutal attacks occurred in this residential neighbourhood just outside East Brady. The images are just too gruesome to broadcast at this time, and police are saying that it almost looked like the victims were attacked by a wild animal or perhaps several wild animals. (TV AUDIO CRACKLES) Police did provide this map showing where these... - Goddammit, my watch doesn't fucking work. I just got it. It's mad expensive. - Holy shit, dude, this is insane. - Wow. - ...in our area alone. - Maybe that Harry Potter guy at the gas station wasn't kidding, man. - What about? About what? - About there being zombies around here. - That's not even funny. Don't joke. It's really, really creepy. - Authorities are warning all citizens to stay inside and keep all doors and windows locked and secured. - Zack, lock the door, will you? - Got you. - But for now, this is Posie Juarez for Centerville 7 News. Stay safe and keep your eyes open. - (MEN SIGH) (SPOOKY MUSIC) (ZOMBIE GROANS) - (GROWLS) - (ZOMBIES MOAN, HISS) (ZOMBIES HISS) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (DOOR CREAKS) - Kitties! Where are you, guys? (MUSIC CONTINUES) (GROANS) Kitties! (SIGHS) Kitties! (SPOOKY MUSIC CONTINUES) (SIGHS) What in the name of...? Cats are gone. Haven't seen or heard a bird in two days. - (ZOMBIES HISS) - It's already night out. It's 5 o'clock. Dear Lord in Heaven, help us. - HISSES: Free cable. - Oh, it's free cab... (SCREAMS) - (GROWLS) - (YELPS, SCREAMS) - (BELLOWS) - (ZOMBIES GROWL) - Oh, thank God you guys are back. - (GRUNTS) Jesus, Cliff, do we really need all this stuff? - What's all this for? - We went by the hardware store. You know what happens. Hank and that hobbit kid Bobby from the gas station have locked themselves in over there. - They tried to convince other citizens to join them, but with no success. - Why? What's happening? Is it some sort of epidemic or what? - It's zombies. - What are you saying? - Well, it's the undead. They've been reanimated, caused by the Earth having been pulled off its axis, caused by the polar fracking. - But the authorities and energy people keep saying that's not true. Really? (SCREAMS) Oh my God! She's alive? - No. She's not. She's just undead. - Chardonnay. - Holy shit. Did she just say 'chardonnay'? - Yeah, she did. Look out, kids. Hey, little Mallory. - Chardonnay! - I got this, Cliff. - (BLADE ZINGS) - (GRUNTS) - (FLESH SQUELCHES) - (GROANS) - (GRUNTS) - (GASPS) - (DUST HISSES) - Chardonnay? - (SCREAMS) (GUNSHOT) - Those are some pretty good cuts. You played some Minor League ball, didn't you? - Well, um, a little Class A. It` It was a long time ago. Mindy, just remember to kill the head. - OK. Kill the head. OK. - Ronnie, take this thing out of here. - You got it, Chief. - Ronnie, take this thing out of here. - You got it, Chief. 1 - Oh, that's very nice. Very nice, indeed. You look gorgeous. You two could have been the king and queen of the golf club, so you could. (DING!) Oh my. (DING!) What's this? (DING!) (DING!) Are you in this together? I mean, this is really inappropriate. Oh, good grief. (SPOOKY MUSIC) So, the dead just don't wanna die today. Is that it? (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) (DUST HISSES) That's a shame. I had them looking so bonny. (SPOOKY MUSIC) - Oh, what is it now? (THUDDING) Who's there? - (THUDDING) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Shit. - (THUDDING) Who the fuck are you, and what do you want? - (SNARLS) - Ow! Hey! Get the fuck...! - (SNARLS) - Ow! (GRUNTS) (COUGHS) (PANTS, GRUNTS) Shit! (GASPS) I killed him. That was weird. - BURBLES: Candy. Candy. - FLATLY: Snapple. Snapple. (EERIE MUSIC) - Snickers. - FLATLY: Popsicle. - Snickers. Popsicle. Popsicle. (MUSIC SLOWS) - Toys. - Skittles. - Toys. (EERIE MUSIC) - ROBOTICALLY: Wi-Fi. - (ZOMBIES MOAN) - Wi-Fi. - HISSES: Bluetooth. - (ZOMBIES GROWL) - Bluetooth. (ZOMBIES GROWL) - HISSES: Siri. - Xanax. - Oxy. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Xanax. - Oxy. - GROWLS: Ambien. - Oxy. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - GROWLS: Guitar. Guitar. - Tools. - Drill. - (ZOMBIES GROWL, DRILL WHIRRS) - Sander. - Tools. - (MEN SHOUT) - BOBBY: Hey, hey! Hey, no! Come on! - HANK: Hey, hey. OK, OK. Holy shit. Hey, we need to mow them down. - Hey! Come on, man! - Bobby. Shit! (ZOMBIES SNARL) (ZOMBIES MOAN, HISS) - I got this one, Hank. - (GROWLS) - Shit. (ZOMBIES MOAN) - (GRUNTS) - (SNARLS) - (GASPS) Hey, Bobby! - The head, Hank! - (GRUNTS) (ZOMBIES GROWL) I killed the head. (ZOMBIES MOAN, GROWL) (ZOMBIES GROWL, HISS) - What the fuck? Is this for real? - Shh, shh! Shh, shh, shh. - Quiet! - MAN: (SCREAMS) Get the fuck off me! - (ZOMBIES HISS) - What the fuck! - MAN: Holy shit! - Shithead! - (MEN SCREAM) - Save me! - Liv! - What? No! - What are you doing? Stop! - Get the fuck off me! - (MEN SCREAM) - Closet. - (MEN SCREAM) (ZOMBIES MOAN) - Fuck! - Fucking shithead! - (MEN SCREAM, HOWL) (ZOMBIES GROWL, STATIC BUZZES) - WOMAN: Violent... - MAN: Reports of these bizarre attacks are escalating, with incidents occurring sporadically across the country and, as we're now learning, uh, across the globe. You see, these violent marauders have apparently first been gathering in cemeteries, then dispersing into towns and suburbs, while other reports suggest... (STATIC BUZZES, VOICE DISTORTS) - (RADIO CUTS OUT) - Great (!) (ZOMBIES MOAN IN DISTANCE) Now even the radio's dead. - Good riddance. (ZOMBIES GROWL, MOAN) Guys,... shouldn't we be telling each other that it's all gonna be OK? That this will all go away like a bad dream. (ZOMBIES HISS) Ronnie? - Gee, Mindy, I'm not sure I can say that. (ZOMBIES GROWL, MUTTER) - Cliff? Please? - It's all gonna be OK, Mindy. Maybe it'll all just go away like a bad dream. (ZOMBIES SNARL) - I doubt it. (ZOMBIES GROWL) - (BREATHES SHAKILY) (SOBS) (SIGHS) (SIGN BUZZES) - (TV) WOMAN CHANTS: Seven and eight. Now do both for eight. - (TECHNO EXERCISE MUSIC PLAYS) - And push. And push. Yeah. (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) - Mmm. (HISSES) Cleveland. (HISSES, MUMBLES) (CROWS CAW) (OMINOUS MUSIC) - (GASPS) What the? (CROWS CAW) Now, that's what I call a murder of crows. (SPOOKY MUSIC) (ZOMBIES GROWL) (DUST HISSES) - Darn, she's really good with that thing, isn't she? - She sure is. (DUST HISSES) (ZOMBIES GROWL) - She's strange. - She's Scottish. - She's Scottish? (ZOMBIES MOAN) (DUST HISSES) (ZOMBIES GROWL) - Let's unbolt the door and get her in here. - Thank you very much, Officer Ronald Peterson. Chief Clifford Robertson. Officer Minerva Morrison. What exactly is your plan of action, Chief Clifford Robertson? - Well... Well, uh, it's a little quieter now. I` I think... I guess we should just get in the patrol car ` some of us, anyway ` and, uh, patrol the community. After all, that is our job. - I'm not staying here. I` I think we should all go together. - Well, I guess you're right. - I could stay here and monitor things, if that would help. I'm quite confident of my ability to defend myself against the undead. - Well, I` I can see that. But, uh, can you operate the police radio and our computer? - Oh, aye. No bother. Certainly. - Yeah, if it still works. - I don't know. That would be a little unusual, wouldn't it, Cliff? - Well, this is a highly unusual situation we're in, is it not, Chief Clifford Robertson? Perhaps we could all meet up again in a wee while in the cemetery. (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) - Yeah, it's OK. I guess it's OK. Uh, let's go, guys. We've got some more weapons in the patrol car. - Excuse me, Officer Ronald Peterson. Might I request that I have the use of your own personal vehicle? - Uh, oh. Oh, uh... OK. - Oh. Star Wars. Excellent fiction. - Oh, yeah. Yeah, well... Yeah. - Mm. - It's the, uh... - ...red convertible Smart car? - Yes. - Mind how you go. (ZOMBIES GROWL) (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC) (ZOMBIES GROWL) (METAL CREAKS) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Slow down a second, Cliff. - (ZOMBIES GROWL) Excuse me. (GRUNTS) Yes. Kill the head. (TENSE MUSIC) - (MUMBLES) (ZOMBIES MOAN) - They gravitate towards things they did when they were alive. - Yeah? - (HISSES) - Tennis girl's kind of cute. - Jeez, Cliff. This is way too creepy. (ZOMBIES GROWL, HISS) (DOWNBEAT MUSIC FADES) - Oh God. I know those kids. But they're all dead. (EERIE MUSIC) - Watch it, Cliff. - (GROWLS) - (THUD!) - Did you have to do that? - I'm sorry. I didn't see him. - Well, it doesn't matter, Mindy. They're already dead. Well, undead, to be precise. Reanimated. 1 (ZOMBIES MOAN) - Fucking trespasser. Kiss your ass goodbye. (EERIE MUSIC) (SIGHS) Oh shit, where are they all coming from? (ZOMBIES GROWL) (MUSIC FADES) (SIGN BUZZES) - It seems pretty quiet. But door number three is open, so I'm gonna check it out. - Let's both check it out. - Well, I'm coming too. (TV PLAYS INDISTINCTLY) - Oh, that's bad. (SPOOKY MUSIC) (TV PLAYS INDISTINCTLY) (BLADE THUDS, FLESH SQUELCHES) (BLADE THUDS) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (BLADE THUDS, FLESH SQUELCHES) (MUSIC STOPS) (TV PLAYS INDISTINCTLY) - Sturgill Simpson. (SPOOKY MUSIC) (BLADE THUDS, FLESH SQUELCHES) (WOMEN CHATTER ON TV) - SHAKILY: Oh my God. Why did you do that? (GASPS) They're not zombies. They're just dead people. - Well, yeah, for now, they're still just dead hipsters, but they haven't turned yet. It can take a while. - He's right, Mindy. Now they're just... dead hipsters from Cleveland. - (GASPS) Oh my God. I can't. (SOBS) My God. (MOTEL SIGN BUZZES) (CONSOLE TRILLS, ZOMBIES MOAN) (EERIE MUSIC) (CONSOLE BEEPS) (DOOR RATTLES, ZOMBIES SNARL) (MUSIC CONTINUES) - Well, look at all of you. (ZOMBIES GROWL) So very ravenous,... yet well past your expiration date. (ZOMBIES GROWL, SNARL) - Oh man. Get a load of these two. - HISSES: Coffee. - Coffee. - Coffee. (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) (ZOMBIES MOAN) ('THE DEAD DON'T DIE' PLAYS) - Oh God. Not that again. - Sturgill Simpson. - # Oh, the dead don't die... - Great song. # ...any more than you or I. They're just ghosts inside a dream... - (ZOMBIES GROWL) - # ...of a life that we don't own # # They walk around us all the time, never paying any... # - Goddammit. I can't take any more. - (WINDOW WHIRRS) - That was irrational, Cliff. (OMINOUS MUSIC) (ZOMBIES SNARL) (DISCORDANT MUSIC) (ZOMBIES GROWL, MOAN) - Fuck. Do you think Hank and Bobby Wiggins are still in there? Should we try to get 'em out? - Uh, Cliff, we're drawing some attention. - Oh God, Cliff. Please get us out of here. (SNIFFLES) Please, Cliff. Please! (ZOMBIES GROWL) - (ZOMBIES GROWL) - That should hold. - Goddamn zombies, Bobby. (ZOMBIES MOAN, HISS) (SIGHS) (THUDDING) (EERIE MUSIC) I know those guys. They were two of my best customers. Yeah, the Good brothers. Travis and Dallas Good. They died in a car crash some time back. Yeah. - Oh, shit. Yeah, now I remember those guys ` the Good brothers. They were really good guitar pickers. - (CHUCKLES) That's right. It's` It's like they came out of the birth canal with guitars in their hands. (ZOMBIES SNARL, THUD) I think you saved my life, man. - (SIGHS) No worries, Hank. (THUD!) - Shit! - What? - The fucking back door. The back door to the storage room! - What? - Here. (GRUNTS) - (ZOMBIES GROWL) - Jesus, Bobby. (ZOMBIES MOAN, MUTTER) - (DRILL WHIRRS) - There's way too many, Hank. - This here is a nightmare, Bobby. - (DRILL WHIRRS) - We're goners, man. (GASPS) Fuck. (WAILS) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) (OTHERWORLDLY MUSIC) (ZOMBIES GROWL, GIRLS GASP) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (ZOMBIES GROWL) - Come on. Give me that! - BOB: Well, I'll be a monkey's ass. - Hey! - It's finally payback time. - You goddamn refugees! I'll get all of you! You're gonna pay for this, you sons of bitches! You foreigners! Get off my property! Hey! Ow! - Mmm. - (SHRIEKS) Help! - This is good chicken. (ZOMBIES GROWL) - Dammit! Hey! (SHOUTS) (SHOUTS, SHRIEKS) Come on! Come on! (SCREAMS) (TYRE SCRAPES, GRAVEL CLATTERS) - You wanna get out and check? - (ZOMBIES GROWL) - Uh, I'd` I'd rather not. (ZOMBIES MOAN, MUTTER) - Well, that's perfect, isn't it? Right in the middle of the fucking cemetery. - No, it isn't perfect. Why did you run over them? (TYRES SCRAPE) - They are not ordinary pedestrians. (ZOMBIES GROWL) (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC) - This is definitely gonna end badly. (ZOMBIES GROWL, HISS) - Shut up, Ronnie. - No, you shut up. - Shut up, Ronnie! - Please stop fighting! Please! - WOMAN: Oh, Mindy. HISSES: Mindy. - (SCREAMS) It's my grandmother. Oh God, Granny! - Mindy, Mindy. - No. (CRIES) - Mindy, get it together. It was your grandmother. - (GASPS) SOBS: I can't take this any more! I can't do it! I'm done with this nightmare! (SOBS) Granny, I'm coming! I'm coming! - Mindy? - No, Mindy! No, don't! - Oh no! (SCREAMS) - (ZOMBIES SNARL) (SCREAMS, HOWLS) (ZOMBIES HOWL, MOAN) - Oh, holy fuck. God help us. (ZOMBIES GROWL) (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC) (ZOMBIES GROWL, HISS) 1 (TYRES SQUEAL) (ZOMBIES MOAN, HISS) (TENSE MUSIC) Centerville, USA. (ZOMBIES GROWL) A real nice place. (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) (ZOMBIE GROANS) What an amusing little machine. (ZOMBIES GROWL) (MUSIC CONTINUES) Oh, here's a curious one. (ZOMBIES HISS) Hello there. - Fashion. - I can assure you that is not your tartan. Nice neck, though. (DUST HISSES) (TYRES SQUEAL) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (MUSIC PULSATES) (ZOMBIES GROWL, HISS) (TYRES SQUEAL) - Come on. I know a safe place we can hide. (TENSE MUSIC) - (GROWLS, MOANS) - Oh shit. Is that Danny Perkins? Over here. (ZOMBIES MOAN) Sure looks like him. Oh. I'm sorry, Ronnie, if I've lost it. - It's OK, Cliff. - But I gotta say, you have been acting a lot different since all this weird shit started happening. - What` What are you saying, Cliff? - I'm saying that you seem so oddly controlled. I mean, shit... - Well, I'm just, you know, dealing with it in my own way. But I've been telling you this is all gonna end badly. - Goddammit, Ronnie. (SIGHS) (ZOMBIES MOAN, GROWL) May I ask you a question? - Sure. Ask away. - You have been saying that this is all gonna end badly, from the very beginning, over and over. So, what made you so fucking sure of that? How did you know everything in advance? - Do you really wanna know? - Yes! I wanna know. I really want to know! - OK. I, uh, know because I've read the script. (ZOMBIES GROWL) - You... read the script. The whole script? All of it? - Yeah. Jim gave me the whole script. - He only gave me our scenes. I never saw a complete script. After all... I've done for that guy, and it's a lot that you don't even know about. (ZOMBIES SNARL) What a dick. (ZOMBIES GASP, HISS) (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) (ZOMBIES GROWL, HISS) - Whoa! - No. (MUSIC CONTINUES) (ZOMBIES SNARL) - That's weird. They're all leaving. (MUSIC CONTINUES) (MUSIC SWELLS) - Right. Here we go. (CRAFT WHIRRS) (ZOMBIES GROWL) (OTHERWORLDLY MUSIC) - Are you seeing what I'm seeing? - I think I am. (MUSIC CONTINUES) (ZOMBIES GROWL IN DISTANCE) - Was that in the script? - No. Not the one I read. (MUSIC CONTINUES) (CRAFT BUZZES) (ZOMBIES MOAN) (BEAM WHIRRS) (MUSIC QUICKENS) (CRAFT WHOOSHES) (WIND WHISTLES) - Well, that was unexpected. - I knew there was something unusual about her. - Yeah. - (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) - So, Ronnie, how does it end, then? - Well... (ZOMBIES GROWL) (SIGHS) We gotta give it our best shot. - Our best shot? OK. Yeah. But then it ends badly, right? - Uh, yeah. Yeah, it does. - OK, then. Let's do it. - Let's do it. (ZOMBIES MOAN, GROWL) (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC) - BOB: Cliff and little Ronnie. Warriors,... among the dead. (ZOMBIES GROWL, SNARL) Zombies ` - (HISSES) - remnants of the materialist people. - (GROWLS) - Oh, no, you don't. No, you don't. - (GROWLS) - No, you don't! - I guess they've been zombies all along,... ghosts. - Oh, hey, Bobby. Shit. (DUST HISSES) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (ZOMBIES GROWL) 'Nameless miseries of the numberless mortals.' - (SNARLS) - Frank! Hey. You got this coming. - (GRUNTS) - Goodbye, Frank. You reap what you sow. - All right, who's next? - (SNARLS) - Ow. Yuck. (MUSIC CONTINUES) - All righty. (SIGHS) Hold your head up. - (HISSES) - (GRUNTS) - Granny. - (HISSES FEEBLY) - Mindy would want you to say hi to Grandpa. - (GRUNTS) - Oh, Hank. I'm so sorry, brother. I just can't do it. You take care of yourself. - (MUTTERS) - Danny? - (GROWLS) - I just saw Hank. - Ashes to ashes. - (GURGLES) - Dust to dust. - FLATLY: Ronnie. - Mindy! - Cliff. (HISSES) Ronnie. - No! (VOICE ECHOES) Jesus, Ronnie! (ZOMBIES HISS, GROWL) - (GRUNTS) (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC CONTINUES) - The dead just don't wanna die today,... reanimated and all jacked up, just like those ants. The end of the world. (ZOMBIES MOAN) (MUSIC CONTINUES) I guess all them ghost people plumb lost their goddamn souls. Must have traded 'em away or sold 'em for gold or whatnot,... new trucks, kitchen appliances, new trousers, Nintendo Game Boys, shit like that. (ZOMBIES GROWL IN SLOW MOTION) Just hungry for more stuff. (ZOMBIES MOAN) (ZOMBIES SNARL, GROWL) Oh, down they go. The sad end of Cliff and Ronnie. (ZOMBIES SNARL) (FLESH SQUELCHES, MEN SCREAM) What a fucked-up world. (ZOMBIES SNARL) (SNARLING ECHOES) (MUSIC FADES) (SNARLING ECHOES, FADES) (STURGILL SIMPSON'S 'THE DEAD DON'T DIE') # Oh, the dead don't die... # any more than you or I. # They're just ghosts inside a dream... # of a life that we don't own. # They walk around sometimes,... # never paying any mind... # to the silly lives we lead... # or the reaping we've all sown. # There's a cup of coffee waiting on every corner. # Someday we're gonna wake up... # and find the corners gone. # But the dead will still be walking round in this old world alone. # Well, after life is over,... # the afterlife goes on. # There'll be old friends walking round in a somewhat familiar town # that you saw once when you looked up from your phone. # Nobody bothers saying hi,... # and you can save all your goodbyes. # Stop trying to pretend... # that we're all not alone. # And the streets look so empty in the morning. # There'll be no one out at night... # for the lights to shine down on. # But the dead will still be walking round in this old world alone. # Well, after life is over,... # the afterlife goes on. # Hearts break when loved ones journey on,... # at the thought that they're now forever gone. # So we tell ourselves they're all still around us all the time. # Gone but not forgotten. # Just memories left behind. # But the dead will still be walking round in this old world alone. # Well, after life is over,... # the afterlife goes on. # Well, after life is over,... # the afterlife goes on. # (DOWNBEAT BLUES MUSIC) Captions by Able. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2021 (MUSIC CONTINUES)