PAINED SCREAMING IN DISTANCE You OK there? Er... 200g of goat's cheese...please. Oh, my God. Er... You delivered our triplets. A couple of months ago, at St Clare's. Er... No, I think you've got me confused, sorry. Well, you're the absolute spit of her, I'll tell you that. Um... 200g, right? It is you. Dr Shruti. I'm really not a doctor. Anyway, they're, er...they're doing great. None of us are getting any sleep, but I guess we're not meant to, right? COUPLE CHATTERING I've, erm... ..put it through as cheddar. Third of the price. Sorry, David, you put that through as cheddar. Did I? Oh, I'll go and change that. # I hope you felt cheated at home # With all your lies, lies, lies, lies, lies # How long has it taken for you to look so fine, fine, fine, fine...? # DOOR SLAMS Oh. You're in. What a lovely surprise. Did you manage to pick up some toilet tissue? It's just we don't usually get through it so quickly. No, I'm sorry, I had a really mental day. I was in theatre for seven hours. Anything disgusting? Oh, yes. This woman was running from the police, high as a kite, and she climbs over some railings, slips and impales herself on a metal spike. EMMA GROANS Up inside and right out the front of her abdomen. Ah, sheesh! Sheesh kebab. GREG CHUCKLES EMMA GASPS What do we put our drinks on? Sorry. I'm not used to having nice things. They're not really your things, are they? I'm glad that you're done. We've barely seen you since you've been here. How long has it been now? 33 days? 34? I'll be out of your hair in a bit. Oh! When are you moving out? No, I mean, I have a locum shift tonight. Oh. But it will get me a bit closer to, er... ..pulling together a deposit for a new flat. Mate... Well... Honestly, there's no hurry. If it's just a few grand, maybe we could lend you the money. Oh, the shift I'm doing tonight is at your gaff. Oh, St Agnes's? Since when did you start working at private hospitals? Oh, it's just one shift. My boss put me up for it. For the money they're offering I can, um... ..sell my soul for one night. No, seriously. It really is so much nicer there. You get what you pay for. 20 grand's quite a lot for mood lighting, smoked-salmon sandwiches and coasters. Mate, I know she's a strong flavour, but... Mm-hm. ..can you dial it down a bit with Emma? This is her house as much as it is mine. She's taken you in as a guest, which she didn't have to do. Can you...? You know? Point taken. Sorry. Just had a lot on. Are you OK? Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. I mean, actually OK? I said I'm fine. Was that you being fine at your engagement party? Well, in retrospect, it wasn't an engagement party. Right. Have they given you a date yet? For the tribunal? Is this you trying to cheer me up? If you ever want to chat about that, or Harry, you know I'm here for you, right? You know, I've realised something. What's that? I think I'm actually designed to be on my own. Really? Mm. I mean, c...cool, great. Yeah, it's... ..it's, I dunno, it's freer or something. No-one asking me how I'm feeling all the time, for a start. GREG LAUGHS Single and unwilling to mingle. If there's going to be any "mingling", there's a mattress protector in the wardrobe. Yeah, Dad, I'm just in the flat. MUM: Tell her to send me that photo. Your mum said you'd send her a photo of it. I will do. I'm just in the dining room. Did she get her test results yet? Did you get your test results yet? No, they've not come through yet. There must have been a delay with marking them, or the post or something. Well, we're proud of you whatever happens. Let me speak to her. Hey, your mum wants to speak to you. Feels like I already have. Hi, Shruti. Hi, Mum. Have you delivered any more babies yet? I'm sure I'll do some more tonight. Such an amazing job you do. Yeah. Are you OK? Why don't you come up at the weekend? You know I can't just come up. I'm working every day for the next two weeks. We will drive down one evening. No. That's not fair on Rashmi Auntie while she's in hospital. Look, I'm going to be late for work. OK, well, speak to you tomorrow. Bye. Love you. Bye. Bye. VERONIQUE: 'I'm just so proud, darling. 'I'm sure it's just the start of a burgeoning private practice. I've got one shift as a lackey at a hoity-toity hospital. 'Well, the journey of a thousand miles begins with 'a single Caesarean. 'I'm so glad you're focusing on work 'and putting Henry behind you. Harry. 'Are you doing OK, darling, with all that? Yep, fine. 'I knew you would. I'm glad you've moved on quickly. 'He just wasn't right for you, was he? 'Are you wearing a smart tie? Yeah, beau-di-ful. 'Beau-ti-ful. Why are you dropping your Ts? 'Is that some Irish thing you picked up? I'm here now, I'd better go. 'Remember to smile. 'You look so much more handsome when you...' PERSON YELPS Ooh! Maybe don't kneecap the consultants before you even start. I am so sorry. LAUGHING: Oh, it's entirely my fault. Are you visiting a ward here? Actually, I'm here for a shift. My name's Adam, I'm a doctor. Oh, wonderful! I'm Serena and I'm one of the midwives. Really? Really good to meet you. Come in. Thank you. Do mind the railings. They've just been lacquered. # That coat that I gave you # All shiny and black CHATTER # I'm sorry, my darling # But I'm taking it back # I don't want to spoil the party # But I've got to go home Excuse me. Sorry, excuse me. # You can stay if you want to... # Hi. Do we normally do tours for new mums at eight at night? Ha! No, that's the queue for triage. Good luck. Here, how many night shifts do you have left? Er... Oh, it's last one tonight. See you Monday, then, pet. I've...taken a couple of weeks of leave, actually. Ah, well. Don't do anything I would. I don't know why there's so many of them. They all had sex nine months ago? Something's going to go wrong. I can just feel it. That's the spirit. Who's the registrar tonight? It was meant to be a locum but no-one's turned up yet. I said something was going to go wrong. OK. Er, well, you get onto the agency and I'll get cracking. Is there anyone you're particularly worried about? Er... I'm worried about all of them, to be honest with you. Course you are. Well, I will be in triage if you need me. I'm not happy about only having one doctor here. I'm trying Adam. PHONE RINGS OUT ADAM: 'Hello.' Oh, hi, Adam, you're not free for a shift tonight, are you? I'm not. Why don't you see if Pippa's ava... SHRUTI HANGS UP Oh! Sorry, one more thing. What? There's an active shooter in the building? Is the coffee room on fire? One of next month's SHOs is on orientation tonight, if you wouldn't mind showing him the ropes? Pew-pew-pew! MIMICS LASER GUNS The more the merrier. Hi, I'm Shruti. Are you one of the midwives, love? I'm your boss, love. Oh. I'm Al, by the way. Er...where are we going? So this is the main floor. We've got four rooms and ten midwives. Four midwives and ten rooms. Oh, you mean that, sorry. Uh...that is the large hydrotherapy pool. That is the mother and baby sensory centre. This is a standard room. The beds are Californian with a breathable 12-zone mattress, balcony, dressing area, office suite and waterfall shower. Holy shit. HE LAUGHS Right. Do you mostly work in the maintained sector? STRAINED: Mm. Ah! You have a nightclub here too? Ah! No, some minor royal from Kuwait's coming in tomorrow and they've block-booked half the ward. Means that we won't be quite as busy as usual. So why don't you get yourself changed and then I can introduce you to the patient? Patient. # Everything stinks # Everything's broke # So fuck this # I tried and I lost # And everything costs # So fuck this # It's raining money # It's raining down in buckets # Selling out or cashing in VENDING MACHINE WHIRS # It's really just the same # So fuck this # I'm switching my allegiance # I'm swapping sides # Cos only mugs have principles # And now the privilege is mine SHE HITS FRONT OF MACHINE # All aboard for moolah land # Working cash in hand. # Never really understood why people have doctor and nurse fetishes before now. Reckon I could get used to this. What? CHATTER PATIENT: There she is. ALL PATIENTS TALK AT ONCE I will be with you as soon as I can. Get this off to microbiology. Sweet, no problem. What do you want me to write on the form? The lyrics to the Macarena. PAGER BEEPS Yeah, hello, obs and gynae on call? 'Doctor, help me. My vagina's totally fallen out.' Oh, er... O...OK, madam, can you describe what's happening? I'm just pulling your perineum. It's Vicky Houghton. Oh, hi. Um...it's Shruti. MIMICKING TRACE: I've had old worry-warts on the line saying that the agency hasn't come through with a registrar. Yeah, I'm sorry about this, I was wondering if you might be able to come in. Yeah, course, love. See a few patients in triage for you, maybe? Yeah, if you don't mind? Wipe the shit from your arse? Erm... No, I... I'll be over in a flash if it all goes to balls, but I'm sure you'll cope. Mums have been having babies for thousands of years before us, right? 'You'll ace it, mate, OK?' Yeah, I will give you a yell if anything... CALL DISCONNECTS Are you one of the doctors? I am the doctors. Why don't you pop your head inside Princess Anne? Excuse me? Say hi to the lady in the Princess Anne Suite. Patient of Nigel Lockhart's, uncomplicated first pregnancy, cracking along nicely at six centimetres, good epidural. Sure. And, er, they'll send dinner to your room in about an hour. It's asparagus risotto today. Really? I know. It's barely in season. But somebody's already had a word with the kitchen. HE CLEARS THROAT QUIETLY: Mrs Mullender. Good evening, Mrs Mullender. Come. Mrs Mullender? Miss. How can I help? Sorry. My name's Adam, I'm one of the doctors. I thought I'd just swing by and see... Ah! Are you Daddy? SHE SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER Are you joking? Do you want me to serve up? No, leave it there, thank you. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to assume. There's no daddy. And I've just spent a full week convincing my sister-in-law that she doesn't need to sit with me and mop my brow. It's not like I'd invite her along to a dental extraction. SHE LAUGHS We basically use the same equipment, to be fair. I mean, what does she think we'd even talk about? Pretty sure I don't have eight hours of polite chit-chat in me, anyway. I was literally saying the exact same thing earlier today. What's wrong with spending a bit of time with yourself? Mm. I think we're groomed by society to believe you're dysfunctional if you're not constantly... Like I say, I don't have eight hours of chit-chat in me. Yes, right. Um, well, give me a shout if you need anything. Erm... I've got some asparagus to deal with. Right. In July?! AL: Oh, bleeds a lot, doesn't it? SHRUTI: What, when you cut human flesh with a knife? Hold that there for me. What's that instrument called? It's called the "shut up for a minute "and let me operate". Sorry. I just... There's a lot to learn, isn't there? If you could teach me just a bit, then... SHRUTI SIGHS SHARPLY Sorry. Of course. Monopolar diathermy forceps. It applies a high current density to coagulate the tissue it touches. Oh, thanks. And what's this layer called? Looks like a two-day-old kebab, to be honest. It's the rectus abdomini. Ugh, smells like an old kebab now too. Right, get your other hand in there and pull. NURSE: Do you like to give antibiotics at your sections? No, thanks. What's this bit? I want to say the bowel? Do you want to say the uterus instead? You know, when a mummy and daddy love each other very much? Oh, yeah, I think I've seen some videos about that on the internet. OK, make the incision two to three centimetres below the upper edge of the peritoneum. AL GROANS Hand goes round baby's head and then you remove the retractor. What, this thing? Yep. And then hard push at the top. Deliver the first shoulder and ease baby out. Then clamp and cut the cord. BABY STARTS TO GRIZZLE Wow. That's amazing. BABY CRIES Congratulations. God. That's incredible. What did you expect to find in there? I mean, the feeling of... I guess it just never gets old, does it? Once you've seen one baby, you've kind of seen them all. That's a bit enthusiastic. Can we get suction, clamps and a couple of large swabs on here, please? Al, can you...? AL GAGS Are you OK? Yep. You sure? Yeah, I'm fine, as long as I don't look at it too much. Well, don't look at it too much. Suction, please. OK. PATIENT: What?! What was that? Is everything OK? Is there a problem? Are you OK? I'm really sorry about that. What's happening? My colleague has fainted slightly into the operative field. Was he in me? I... In... He's out now. He's out, he's out now?! Yes. Is he, is he...? Oh, my God! Jesus Christ. Am I going to be all right? Really sorry, you'll be fine. It happens more often than you'd think. Maybe just give her some antibiotics, after all? AL GROANS GENTLY MICROWAVE BEEPS AL WHIMPERS You all right? Is there not, like, an on-call room I can lie down in, just for half an hour? There's not, like. They got rid of it. I think they were worried we'd actually manage to get some rest. It's fine. I'll stay here. MICROWAVE PINGS There's a scanning couch in the Early Pregnancy Unit you can kip on if you want. Thanks, love. That better be short for "thanks, lovely doctor". Sorry, it's a bit of a mission. Almost there. Do you often bring strange men to dark corners of the hospital? Wherever you're going with that, back it up immediately. SCANNER BEEPS REJECTION AL GRUMBLES DOOR UNLOCKS Make yourself at home. But come and find me on labour ward in an hour, yeah? We've still got loads of patients in triage that we... PAGER BEEPS Nope, I'll be in A&E, apparently. I'm really sorry about before. In theatre. Yeah, you're not going to last very long if that happens every time you deliver a baby. I really hope not. I've always wanted to do obstetrics. Yeah. So did I. Be careful what you wish for. 'You have four new messages. First new message. VERONIQUE: 'Hello, darling. I hope the shift's going well. 'Remember to stand up straight. 'Nobody wants a doctor who looks like they ring the bells at...' 'Message deleted. Next new message. 'Hi, mate, it's Greg. "Emma was just wondering..." 'Emma was just wondering if it was you 'who left the hot water on. 'Look, we'd both be really grateful 'if you tried not to do that next...' 'Message deleted. Next new message. HARRY: 'Hey, Adam. I hope you're OK. 'Look, do you mind giving me a call? 'It would be really good to go through...' 'Message deleted. Last message received today at 7:20pm. HARRY: 'Hey, Adam, 'I'd really appreciate it if you've got a sec...' 'Message deleted. No more messages.' HE SIGHS RINGING TONE HARRY: 'Oh, hey, how's it going? Yeah, fine, thanks. Sorry it's taken a while to call back. Don't stress. You killed Emma yet? That's why it took me a while to call back, the prison only gives me one call a week. So I, um...just went ahead and put the rest of your stuff into boxes, if that's OK? Of course. I'll work out a time to, er... ..come and collect them. Probably won't be next week. Well, I was thinking I could drop them over at Greg's tomorrow? Kenzie's off work and his car's back from the garage, so... HE LAUGHS FLATLY He didn't hang around, did he? 'What's that supposed to mean?' I guess I should be grateful he waited until my cock was actually out of you before he pounced. You done yet? HE SIGHS SHARPLY I'll check with Greg what time I can bring them over. This is fucking ridiculous. Thanks so much for coming down. How's it going on labour ward? Tell me about the patient. Right. Well, we've been on the phone to the telephone interpreter service for half an hour now but we're really not getting anywhere. I think he lied on his CV when he said he could speak Hindi. All we know is they're bleeding down below and they're a hermaphrodite. Yeah, we say intersex. Yeah, I'd hate to prejudge but I'd be really surprised if he was intersex. How do you know? The same way I know he's not a kestrel. Look, it's clearly not androgen insensitivity syndrome, so it's got to be Klinefelter's or de la Chapelle syndrome, but given his... Don't worry, I'll speak to him. HE CHUCKLES Not a hermaphrodite. Haemophiliac. PAGER BEEPS AND BUZZES KNOCK ON DOOR Hello? DOOR OPENS Not seen you here before. I was hoping you'd forgotten that I mistook you for a patient's husband. Oh, no, I meant... I know. It's my first shift here. Well, you're a very welcome addition. I normally work for the NHS, where we don't get any, um... They're called cloches. I meant food. Oh. Sorry if I've judged this wrong, but... ..do you fancy getting a drink one day? I... Um... H-How...? Why...? Why did you...? Why'd you think...? Well, it's normally a clue when boys call me Daddy. So? I'm not really looking for a relationship. That's handy. I'm not offering one. BOTH PANT AND MOAN Call me Daddy. Call me Daddy! PHONE RINGS Hello? 'It's Serena. Can you come down? Yes, of course. Um...what's up? 'I need you to chuck on some gloves 'and get inside Princess Anne.' The patient's been pushing for an hour, CTG's not great, so you should probably deliver her. Right away. I've got nothing on my hands at the moment, so... Not sure I've ever delivered a baby with a semi before. Yeah, I know, Trace, it must be very worrying not having a doctor there. Yeah, I realise any of those things could happen, I'm just dealing with something that actually is happening. VOMITING AND COUGHING OK, look, there's one more patient left in A&E, then I'll be right up. Briana "Dal-ziel"? Yes. It's "Dee-ell", and we've been waiting here 3.5 hours. Dad! Yeah, sorry about that, it's been manic today. Er, OK, so you had a positive pregnancy test two weeks ago, and now you've got some pain in your right groin? That's right. How many people do we have to go through this with? I'm just doing my job, sir. Do you mind if I put a hand on your tummy? Oh! OK, I'm going to need to exclude what's called an ectopic pregnancy. That's when a pregnancy implants in a tube which can potentially rupture, cause a bit of an emergency. She's been waiting here all bloody night and now you're telling us it's an emergency? No, I'm saying I need to make sure it's not an emergency before I send you home, which means doing a scan. And how long's that going to take? I pay your wages, you know. Can I have a raise, then? It takes as long as it takes, Dad. There isn't any out-of-hours scanning, I'm afraid. Oh, for God's sake! Which means I'll need to keep you in overnight and do it in the morning. Fucking NHS. Dad. I'm taking you home. Come on, we've been here long enough. Dad! Wait. Maybe there is something I can do. Yeah, I just didn't expect to pay 15 grand to have the work experience deliver me, Nigel. SHE SIGHS No. I do, I do, I understand. Absolutely. I'll see you in the... We will see you in the morning. Will do. All right, thanks. Give it to him. Oh. Er... Evening, Kay. Sorry for dumping you in it a bit. Oh, it's not a problem, Mr Lockhart. Yeah, she's nice enough when you get to know her. Just get on with it. Smile like the Cheshire Cat on nitrous oxide. I've told her you're my best guy. Thank you, that means a lot. Yeah, then again, I told her I was stuck in traffic, so take that with a pinch of salt. I'll-I'll bung you a grand for your efforts. That's...extremely kind, Mr Lockhart. Thank you. Oh, and I'm going to be stuck in traffic for a fortnight in Corfu next month, if you're interested. So don't fuck it up. CALL DISCONNECTS Thank you. I'm so sorry you've ended up with the B-Team. Sometimes things just happen too quickly to get the consultant in. No. Course. I'm just grateful you're one of Nigel's guys, not some flunky in the NHS. THEY LAUGH I just don't think I'm a "having a baby in a corridor" kind of person. You made the right decision coming here, that's for sure. Well, wouldn't you? SHE BREATHES HEAVILY Nearly there. You're doing really well. We'll find out what's going on in a second, OK? Um, it's usually all locked up this time of night, but there's an ultrasound machine free in here, so we can... SENSOR BEEPS SENSOR CHIRRUPS Oh, um...there's a man asleep in there, by the way, but... Shit! Get up. What...? No offence, but you do not look well. BRIANA GROANS Let's have a quick look. Right. I can see a lot of blood in your abdomen. That means that your pregnancy is ectopic, and it's ruptured. Fucking hell! Al. Please. It's fine, she's asleep. Briana? Shit. Right, Al, listen to me carefully or this woman is going to die. Use the phone outside to fast-bleep theatres to say we're coming over, then call Ms Houghton to come in urgently. Do you understand? I think so. OK. Quickly go! Get me some Venflons and some giving sets. Briana? Briana, stay with me. You're going to be fine. SHE SCREAMS That's it. OK, and stop pushing and pant for me. SHE PANTS NURSE: Keep going. Fabulous, well done. Beautiful baby... ..girl! HE CHUCKLES GURGLING CRY Hello. That's what I call a Hollywood delivery. We got it on the first take. That's it, that's it, that's it. Lovely. CAMERA CLICKS Say, "Roquefort"! Gynae theatre's fifth floor. And they know we're coming? Yeah. She's going to make it, right? Just hurry. Go get the door. Hurry up! I meant press the... LOCK CLICKS Oh. Right. Well, that's me done. You got away without so much as a tear. It's really good. You OK up there? BABY CRIES Hm? Yeah. I think so. "Think"...? Jesus Christ. That's like a litre of the stuff. Time to earn my money. Um, you're losing a bit of blood there. Apologies if it gets a bit busy here while we sort you out. One litre PPH and counting. Right. Pull the emergency cord and get the cavalry in. Take the baby off her. Get some monitoring going. Lie her flat. High-flow oxygen. Get me a couple of wide-bore cannulas. MONITORS BEEP Very atonic uterus. Let's get a catheter in, draw up Syntometrine, and get a Synto infusion running. I'll get the Synto infusion. This? No, not nasal prongs. I need a high-flow oxygen mask. And an adult-size cannula. I'll get the cannula. I'll do it. Right, you look for some Syntometrine. It's usually here in the second drawer. How hard was that? Someone take over the fundal massage. PATIENT BREATHES HEAVILY Don't worry, Kathleen. Get some Carboprost and Misoprostol ready for me. I'm not sure if we have any of them. Course you do. You must do. KATHLEEN MOANS Where are the doctors? I need doctors. Inform haematology, a couple of anaesthetists and let interventional radiology know that we might need them. Our anaesthetist is on his way, but there aren't any of those other ones here. Get Mr Lockhart on the phone now. I need six units of O negative before the crossmatched blood is available. We only keep two units here. I need six units of blood, I'm not negotiating a discount on bathroom tiles here. KATHLEEN GASPS Could someone call my brother, please? That's a lot of blood we're chucking in. Be good if we could start? I'm just the SHO. I've not done it before. I've not even seen it before. Didn't you say we need to operate now? I mean my consultant needs to do it. She's nearly here - she was just around the corner two minutes ago. Just like a cab is always round the corner? Labour ward are on the phone. They've got a massive post-partum haemorrhage coming over in an ambulance. Well, I can only be in one theatre at once. Shall I go there? And do what? Faint? What? No. That was just a blood sugar thing. What do you want me to tell them? I can't leave until Ms Houghton's here. I could have a go. Scalpel, please. Here we go. Fucking doors! Stood there banging for five minutes before a cleaner found me. Even fucking Cinderella got back through the door after midnight. We got stuck in a corridor too. Wow. That's a great story. Well, we're all here now. Remind me. 32 years old, confirmed ruptured ectopic with significant peritoneal bleeding. You scanned her yourself? Yeah. Fuck me with forceps! You are stepping up. There's an ambulance transfer coming into labour ward, so you stay here and do this. I'm going to go and sort that out. Will do, boss. I'll crack on here, then. She'll be right as rain. # Stay out super late tonight # Picking apples, making pies # Put a little something in our lemonade # And take it with us # We're half awake... # Major PPH. Lost three litres or so. Delivered an hour ago at St Agnes. Er, how many units has she had? Two at the hospital, one in the ambulance. Three, two, one. Thank you. She's very tachy. Let's hook her up to a couple more bottles of house red. Are you happy to scribe? Sure. Tracy, bleep the on-call haematologist, we need to discuss plasma and cryo and all that. Right. What's she had in the way of uterotonics? Just Syntometrine, and the Synto infusion that's running. Want to give her some Misoprostol? Protocol is Carboprost first. Carboprost! Good point. Right, let's get her legs up. I'm going to run through the four Ts. Tone. Uterus is boggy. Er, she's had Syntometrine, a Synto infusion is running and she's having Carboprost. Tissue. Was the placenta complete? Yes. Trauma. Any tears? No. Thrombin. Any pertinent history? Um...nothing. Right, make sure to send a clotting. Done. That's in, and blood running. # Turn the light out, say goodnight # No thinking for a little while # Let's not try to figure out # Everything at once # We're half awake in a fake empire. # Yet another transfer from St Hopeless. Mm. One day they're going to kill someone, you know? It's a shame we don't see any of the cash those poor patients spend. SHE TUTS Nice work tonight, by the way. Ms Houghton's basically, er, writing a four-act opera about how great you are. Is it wrong for me to feel proud? You're so...good. Mm-hm. You still pissed off with me? About the engagement party? No, I'm just tired. I really am sorry. It's fine. Anyway, you're only as good as your last patient, aren't you? I bloody hope not. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. Exam results were out yesterday. Yeah. And...? I passed. That's amazing, Shruts. Well done. I mean, obviously you did. HE CHUCKLES Well...we need to celebrate. What you doing tomorrow night? I'm off after nights. Well, whenever, you know. The offer's there. Well...enjoy your break... ..and see you soon for the next instalment. Yeah, I'll see ya. See ya. Kay? I'm sorry. I really did try. Didn't we say no feet on the table, Adam? So, how was your first private shift? Yeah, it was fine, thanks. Isn't that chandelier in the entrance hall stunning? You know, it wasn't all right, it was awful. Attempted murder with a side order of asparagus risotto. LAUGHING: What do you mean? Look, you don't have to listen to me and you probably won't, but I have to say this. Go private for your bunions or your haemorrhoids. But not for your baby, it's not safe. Don't be ridiculous. Yes, they've got fancy uniforms and a pillow menu. But do you really want that chandelier to be the last thing you see before they cart you off for the NHS to save your life? That hospital was not prepared, and my patient nearly died last night. You serious? Absolutely. Save your money. Spend it on, like, 20 holidays. Thank you, Adam. I really appreciate your honesty. Come on. THEY LAUGH Oh! Although it'd be two holidays. Or one proper summer one. Whoopsie. SENSOR BEEPS Ah, the fragrant air of underfunding. What's going on? What's happened? Tracy? Adam, er... TEARFULLY: ..I don't know what she was thinking. What? RINGING TONE 'Hey, it's Harry. 'I can't take your call right now, but leave a message...' HE SIGHS