www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2024 (CAR DOOR SLAMS) - Hey, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, stop. - Jeez. Wake up! Your mum is way too involved in your life. - What do you mean? - She planned this date, made me this weird scrapbook, and she is pretending to be our Uber driver. I'm out. - Gee, what's her problem? - Unlucky, uce. - You'll get her next time, bro. - Oh, shut up. - (CHUCKLES) - ON TV: Next time on 'Penguin Paradise' ` all the penguins have chosen their significant other... bar one ` Cricket, the lonesome lover. Due to his unusual mating courtship, Cricket will be alone forever. (MOURNFUL MUSIC) - Cricket. (DOOR OPENS) - Poo! Stinks in here ` haunga! It smells like boy... - (GROANS) - ...and sadness. - Mum! Any more chicken wing? - No. - (GROANS) Mum, do you think there maybe you are a bit too involved in my love life? - What the bloody hell? What are you on about? I'm not too involved, Tane. I'm helping. I help. I think the real takeaway is, my love, there are plenty more tarakihi in the ocean. - Wait did you just call Aria a tarakihi? - It's an ocean analogy to fit with your penguin show. And if you don't like tarakihi, then maybe go after a kahawai... or even a cute little dolphin ` whatever floats your boat. We just got to cast the net wider. - Whoa, wait... Hang on, Mum. We? - Mm! Wider and further ` ki tua. - No, no, no, no, no, bring that one back down. - Look, all I'm saying, son, is I can find you the perfect person. - OK, thank you, Mum, for the offer, but I got this. - Ae, kei te mohio au, engari... - No, no, no 'engari'. - I get it. I'm not needed. - Nah, I didn't say that. Hey... I need you to promise me you'll stay out of this. - OK. I promise. - To...? - Stay out of it. Oh, I can't stay out of it. - You really should. - He needs me. - He's 24. - Exactly ` still a tamaiti, and every child needs help and guidance and a mother who is not a helicopter parent or too involved in their child's love life, to set them up and help them find... their soulmate. - OK, kare, let's just bring it down a little bit. You're scaring our customers. - Aroha mai. - ARIA ON VIDEO: And she is pretending to be our Uber driver. I'm out. (ALL SNIGGER, LAUGH) - What are youse watching? - Oh, just Tane's video` Oh! Yo. (CHUCKLES WEAKLY) Oi, that's enough! Bloody muck-abouts ` get back to your workouts. - What were youse watching? - Tu was showing us a video of you getting dumped... - Eh? - ...cos apparently, you got mum issues. - What? Nah. - Oi, Patrice, you nark! Get back to your workout, and mind your own bloody business! Oh, haere mai, haere mai ` come, come. - Wait, what's this video, Tu? - Oi, anyways, who cares what people think about you, bro? I mean, that's basic. Take it from someone who has never, ever cared what anybody has ever thought about him. Ooh, ha-saaah! Not only don't I care what people think about me, people come to me begging for advice. - OK, cool, I don't want` - Hey, bup-bup-bup-bup, bup-bup-bup-bup, bup, shh. Come ` take a sit and listen to what Dr Tu has to say. - Oh, Tu, you're a doctor now? - My diagnosis is this ` you need to get out of your mind, Calvin Klein. Do a little bit of a dance, hangi 'pahnts'. - What are you saying? - What I'm saying is you need to stop being a mama's boy and learn how to be a little bit of a hoe. Your mum sets up all your dates, and you got no game. - Well, no, that's not right. I got... game. - Patrice, does Tane have game? - Nah! - Thank you, Patrice. - I got game, bro. - Aight, prove it. How 'bout a wero? A wero bet. Aight, yo! Gather round, listen up, listen up, bring it in, bring it in, haere mai. 10 bucks says that the next girl that walks through those doors, Tane has to convince to come to Kaea's party tonight. Who's in? (ALL EXCLAIM) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, yo, whoa! Whoa, whoa. - OK. - Youse all got money now. - Yo, yo, yo. - 'Scuse me, kia ora. I have a package for Tane. (WONDROUS MUSIC, HEARTBEAT THUMPS) Is he here, or...? - WHISPERS: She's an angel sent from Jah. Good luck, warrior. Don't be weird. Karawhiua. All right, you lot. Back to your work stations ` bloody muck-abouts, eh. (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) - Uh, kia ora. Uh... Kia ora, um... Tane, sorry. - Kia ora, 'Tane sorry'. Um, I have a package for you. I just need your signature, please. - Nah, my last name's not 'sorry', um... - Yeah, it's on the, um... - Oh, s` Yep. - Yep. - Yo! Cupcakes. - Who sends cupcakes to a gym? That sounds pretty twisted. - Oh, uh, probably my mum. - Oh... - I just got dumped, so... - Oh, wait. Are you that guy from that video? - Huh? Yeah. Yep, yeah, I am, uh, unfortunately. Now everyone just thinks I'm a loser who's got no game, so... - Who thinks that? - ALL IN BACKGROUND: We do! - They do. - Let's give them something else to talk about, then. (LAUGHS LOUDLY) You're so crack-up. (LAUGHS) - What? - You want my number? Oh my God. No, I'm, like, really, really, really shy. (BOTH LAUGH) - I'm shy. - LAUGHS: Yeah. - Oh, but I'm humble. - (LAUGHS) WHISPERS: Is it working? - WHISPERS: Aua. I can't tell. - Quick, give me your phone. I'll pretend to put my number in it. - OK. (KEYBOARD CLICKS) - Uh, hope they leave you alone for a bit. - Can we hang out tonight? - Uh, nah, I have other plans, but maybe another time. K. (CHUCKLES) - Wait, wait, wait. I don't know your name. - You never asked. Laters. - Later. (KEYBOARD CLICKS) - Cousin. - (GASPS) The cousin. - Hey. (CHUCKLES) - Hey. - BOTH: Mwah. - Kei te pehea koe, cuz? - Oh, kei te pai, cousin. What are you doing out these ways? (CELL PHONE BUZZES) - Mahi's full-on, eh. They just sent me out these ways to help out with deliveries. I should come out here more often, cos jeez. - Mm. - Mo taku he, Kaea. Tu keeps calling your phone. Want me to answer it? - I'll be right back, cousin. Kare, can you sign for these, please? Hey, fatty. - Kia ora, I'm Hine ` Kaea's cousin. - Kia ora, Kaea's cousin. I'm Nuku. Are you going to the party tonight? - Oh, I'm not really a 'goes to a party' type of person, but I don't think Kaea's taking no for an answer. - (CHUCKLES) - A koe? - Nah. No. I'll just drop some stuff off. My son's going, though. You should meet him. - Hey, you. Cut it out. Remember the promise you made to your son. Cuz, what are you up to? - You guys are my last drop-off, so I'm just gonna go home, get ready. - No. You live all the way in Te Atatu. By the time you come back, it'll be, like, next year. - (SCOFFS) I don't have nuk the kakahu for a party. - You don't need to worry your pretty little self about that. The world is our kina. - Mm. - (CHUCKLES) (DING!) - BOTH: Makeover. (EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY) Makeover. - Oh, but` (PURPOSEFUL, UPBEAT MUSIC) Actually, g` Oh. I think` - Hmm. (CHUCKLES) (UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES) - Yes... (GASPS, SQUEALS) - No. - Out. Out. - Yeah, OK. (MUSIC SOFTENS) - The cousin? Kia tere ` kua reri koe? VOICEOVER: Hello person not watching this ad. Yip, you on your mobile. Hey, did you know you could be ignoring this TV ad for less? How much less? 30% less. Get the Skinny! SONG: # Happy, happy, happy aaaah! # - What the...? - Te bro, my guy, bradahs... What is that? - What's wrong with my jumper? - (TSKS) As someone who feels blood-related to you, I'm obliged to tell you it looks like it belongs to a child who lent it to his virgin uncle who's terminally ill. - Jack, bro. Why do you have to be so extra? - (EXHALES) - Baby, take your jumper. It's cold. - Oh, nah, nah, nah, he all good, whaea Nuku. He rangatira, he tino toa, he toa matamua. - Get out of my face. - Ka pai. - Hey, Mum, uh... Not being sad, but you're not gonna stay too long, eh. - Oh, I get it. No one wants to party with their mum. Kao. I'm just gonna go in, say hi, and then kua haere atu ahau. - OK, shot, Mum. Thanks for giving me some space. ('IKARUS' BY LADI6) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - I promise. (CHUCKLES) - Cousin. - Oh, the cousin ` finally! Oh. Haere mai, I'll show you around. (CHUCKLES) Whanau over there. - Kia ora! - Kia ora, aunties. - Hine, you look different. - Oh, Auntie! Intense talkers over there. Deep and meaningfuls, intergenerational trauma... Oh, they'll be up all night, cos it's full-on. Like your potae, kare! Oh, I know ` so traumatic. Oh! Oh, Matatini kapa haka waka ki kona. Tiwana! - GROUP: Tiwana! - Tiwana! - Tiwana! - Tiwana. - Tiwana. - (HOWLS) - Tiwana. Hei ha to that. - (CHUCKLES WEAKLY) - Vapers... The cousin, you don't vape, eh. - No. - Good. You need to stay away from that vape lung. TikTokers over there. Girl, no one's watching your TikToks! And everyone else. Oh, and the designated hook-up areas are down there. Don't worry. You won't get napped. Over there, and... Oi! Hello? Nah. Cut it out. Jeez, no respect. Oh, and if you want to hide away from someone, up there, the cuz. Ki runga rawa. I got you. (CHUCKLES) - Kaea, haere mai! - Oh, you're ruining my moment much! Cuz, get a kai. I'll be right back. - Kia tere! - You kia tere! (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Straight up, G, I think my mum's like, actual listening to me now, eh. - True? - Bro, why is you're shirt off? - To do the squat challenge. - Anyway, I said, 'Give me some space.' I feel like she actually heard me, you know, like, respecting me. - Eh. Is that why she's dancing on Te Arapiki? (CHUCKLES) - Huh? - Whoo! Whoo. Aue ` hot work. Hey, hey, hey, hey, you seen Tane around? - GROANS: No. (SCOFFS) - 'Tane sorry'. You stalking me? - Huh? No. Kao, kao, no, I'm not. - Who are you hiding from, then? And don't lie. - I'm just hiding... from someone. Not` I'm just hiding from someone who won't leave. - Here, I got you. I know a spot. - (GRUNTS) (GROWLS) - Whoo! (BODY THUMPS) - Ha! Oosh. Tane win the wero bet, eh. (LAUGHS) - SCREAMS: Let's go! (GRUNTS, YELLS) - Get low! - (ROARS) - Ooh. This is flash. - Yeah. Right? - How'd you find this place? - Inside knowledge. - Hey, um... Uh` - Do you`? - Oh` - OK, so` - Are` - Are you`? - (STAMMERS) You go. - Kao, you go, you go. - Oh, um, nah... I was` I was just gonna say, wow, you look really good tonight. Not that you didn't look good earlier today, just, like, right now, you look really pretty. - Tena koe. I had a little help. (CHUCKLES) - Ko wai to ingoa? - Ko Hineahuone toku ingoa. But people call me Hine. - Tena koe, Hine. Nice to finally meet you. - Mm. - Uh, ko Tane au. But, um, everyone just calls me 'Tane soooorry'. (BOTH CHUCKLE) - E ha. Patrice! What are you doing here? - I don't know. - Aue. Have you seen Tane? - Nuh-uh. - Well, nga mihi, Patrice ` helpful as always (!) (SIGHS) Where is that boy? - What about you? Who was that, um... Who was that girl screaming at you in the video? - Oh, it was just this girl I was seeing for, like, eight months. I really tried hard to make it work, but, um, looking back, I don't think I really took control of my own life, which wasn't fair to her, and then, um, she dumped me. Whoa. (EXHALES) Issues. - No. No, we all have our own things we need to work out. It just makes us human. ('FOOLS LOVE' BY MISFITS OF SCIENCE PLAYS) Oh my God. I love this song. Do you want to dance? - Pfft. Say less. - # Y'all better come well equipped ` champagne, caviar. # Remy at the bar, take a sip. Tight leather pants ` # Oh, you a cross-dresser now...? - (LAUGHS) - # We got the live up in the hive type shit. # Ain't none of y'all matchin'... # (PEPPY RINGTONE PLAYS) - No way. Penguin's Paradise? I love that show. - No, I love that show! - Did you see the latest episode with Cricket? - Yeah, and the pebble? - And the pebble! Did you know it's filmed at Kelly Tarlton's? - Yeah, hard. - I thought I was the only one, like, obsessed with that show. - (GASPS) Wait. Oh, I got something that's gonna blow your mind. Wait here, OK? - Hm. (INSECTS CHIRP) (DOOR HANDLE CLUNKS) WHISPERS: 'Oh, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. 'No, Mum. No, not there. (INHALES SHARPLY) Ah, shit!' Oh, nah... Patrice. You seen Tu? - SLURS: Ae. - You seen Kaea? - Kao. - Shot, Patrice. Helpful as always. - Ooooh! Fancy. This is nice, eh. - Yeah. I know, right? How's your night gone? - Yeah, pretty good ` just looking for my son. You look cold. - Oh no, I'm all good, I'm all good. - No, don't be silly. Come on. I've got a jumper in my car. - I'm just waiting for someone. - Nonsense. My car is just out the front. Plus, you can help me find my son. I want him to meet you. Especially after that makeover. - Pardon me? - Nothing. Come on. Kia tere. - Bro, I need your help. I just met that courier chick again, and she's real cool, but Mum's everywhere I look, and I need Mum's keys. - Brother. I can't believe you're taking this bet with the courier chick seriously. You're a ball-bag full of surprises, eh. - What? - The bet. The wero bet. Remember? The whole gym bet that you couldn't convince the courier chick to come to the party, and you did it. I'm proud of you, brother. - What the hell? What bet? - Son! There you are. Hey, meet Hine. - No, no, no, no, no, it wasn't a bet. - Dipshit, what bet? - Well, it wasn't a bet ` more like a wero to prove Tane had game. - Cool. So I'm just some pawn in some game now? - No, no, no, no, it sounds way worse than it is. - No, it sounds completely normal, Tane. Next you're gonna tell me your mum just gave me this makeover so she could push me in front of you. (EXHALES) This is messed up. - Nah. - Tane... - No, no, not now. - Tane! - Mom, leave it! Go home. - Should I take it? - ON TV: The mother penguin is now all alone. - I guess I'll take that. - She must come to terms with the fact that her relationship with her child has changed. Therefore, she must reassess who she is now in this ever-changing environment. - Oh, I'll, uh, give you fullas a moment, eh. Ka kite, auntie. (TV SWITCHES OFF) - It looks like you're moving out. - Yeah, um... Tu's got a spare room. So I'm going to take it. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just got caught up in the moment. But I think I realised that, you know, maybe we do need some boundaries. I think space will help define what those boundaries are. - I get it. You do need to spread your wings. - Maybe you need to spread your wings too. - What are you talking about, Tane? I know who I am. I'm a mum... (SNIFFLES) ...with an empty nest. (SNIFFLES) - Nah. Nah. No, hey... You're Nuku. You are a woman that... I will always love... you know, even when she annoys me or I annoy her. She is the most... vibrant, courageous, strongest wahine I know. - Thanks, son. You're not so bad yourself. (CHUCKLES) - Hey, before we break up, though, I just need a favour. Does Auntie Ruth still work at Kelly Tarlton's? - Ae. - What do you want, Kaea? - Um, OK, tuatahi mai, take the tone out of your voice. Ka rua, morena. I'm here to share an apology and to kidnap you. - What? - Last night was all sorts of craziness. But Tane is actually one of the good... tane. I think it was just a big misunderstanding. - He made me a bet, cuz. - OK, no, he didn't. Well, technically, he didn't agree to the bet. - How do you know? - Patrice told me. - Who's Patrice? - Patrice, she` Look, cousin, Tane seems to have genuine feelings for you, OK? Plus, if I had known everything that was going down last night, I would've jabbed everyone who was a part of it. Look, the real question is, do you consent to being kidnapped? - (EXHALES) - Oh, wow, the cousin! - What? - Nothing. Kia tere. Keep coming. One more, one more. Good luck, cuz. Hei aha te whanoke. He taonga tuku iho ia na nga atua. - # You said I love you like a rainbow. (MELLOW GUITAR MUSIC) # I know what that means. - Cuz, take off the blindfold! - # You know I love you just the same. # I could never let go of you again. # You said I love you like the rain. # And the sound when it hits the roof. # I don't know what I would do... - Hine, I just wanted to say that bet was a stupid thing. - It's all right` - It was stupid to ever think you were a bet. - Tane` - And I just wanted to say that I really... really, really like you. I got you these. - CHUCKLES: No way. Penguin Paradise pebbles. (CHUCKLES) - # But with you I feel... # But with you I feel free. # We've come through the darkest shades of blue # to a new and brighter point of view. - Whoa. - (CHUCKLES) Wow. - Hey, um, I think I should probably warn you about my mum. - You don't have to. - I don't? - Nah. You think that's bad? Wait till you meet my dad. - Huh?